What They Don't Tell You!

I have not posted in a long time.

I am tired.

It's not an excuse. It's reality.

Being a mom is hard work. I used to think "Ha, those stay at home moms have it made. I would love to lounge around all day, nap when the kids nap, be lazy."

First, let me apologize for my ignorance.

There is no lounging. A typical day is not watching tv and completing craft projects. It's more like this...

Feed Campbell
Burp Campbell
Feed her some more if still fussy. (She's a little piggy.)
Burp again
Change diaper
Rock her to sleep
Put her down in crib or pack n play
Pick her up and rock her back to sleep after she wakes up within 20 seconds of putting her down
Pump
Clean pumping equipment and bottles
Get bottles ready for next feeding

(I know you're thinking, "Sleep when they sleep." Hahaha, funny.)

Check on Campbell
Lie down and try to catch your breath and relax enough to maybe fall asleep
Hear noise, get up and check on Campbell
20 minutes later fall asleep
10 minutes later hear Campbell stirring
WAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA- time to wake up and repeat all of the above.

It is exhausting!

This repeats until Randy walks in the door. At that moment, I hand Campbell off, so I can cook dinner and give my arms a rest.

I'm writing this post to help educate my non-mom friends. I feel like I missed this tutorial.

Here's what you hear when you're pregnant.

"It's the greatest thing on earth."
"Babies are the best."
"Enjoy all your time off with her."
"They grow so fast."

Here's what you don't hear.
(Disclosure: I know this post makes me sound like a terrible mom. Here's the deal, I love my little girl with all my heart. She is truly a blessing from God. I wouldn't trade her for anything that I'm about to write. I am not ungrateful. I'm just being honest. I feel new moms aren't honest about all the changes in fear they will sound bad or an unloving mother. The only posts you hear from new moms on Facebook are about how impressed they are about how much their little one slept last night. (This forces you to compare and want to curse.) I'm sure I'll be judged for being selfish, but babies change your whole life. It's a huge change and transition.)

-You will never be more exhausted in your life. Motherhood is like cramming for finals, day after day. I am pulling all nighters like nobody's business.

-You are an emotional roller coaster that has gone off the tracks and now you're hanging upside down wailing frantically.

-You cry about everything! You're also completely irrational.

-You will be ticked off at your husband. Everything he does will irritate the snot out of you. You will be going to sleep (3 hours later than him) and see he's peacefully counting sheep. And then you have this sudden urge to pick up a pillow and just smack him a good one. You'll want to shout, "Why don't you have boobs!!?!?!?!? Why don't you have milk to feed her?" Did I mention you'll be completely irrational?

-Everything is a guess. There are no instructions. Here's our game plan.

She cries.
We brainstorm what she needs.

Randy and Penny's conversations: "Is she hungry? Did she burp? Maybe she has gas. Put her on her tummy. Clean diaper? Was her hiney red? Get a blanket. Maybe she's cold. Does she feel clammy? Unswaddle her some. Maybe her swaddle is too tight. When did she eat again? I felt her toot. I think it's gas. Why don't you read to her? I'll try rocking her. Maybe we should sing to her. Try bouncing her. That's too hard of a bounce. Walk with her. Are you sure she burped? Where is that dang paci?"

It.is.hard.work.

Everyone does tell you "it gets better." Well since the word, "Sibling" is in our English vocabulary, I believe them.

Sometimes I look at Campbell and think God has trusted us to bring this little girl up. He gave us a big job, and we are not going to let Him down. She is counting on us. Here is this precious little being who is so innocent. There are so many children who are neglected and abused. I can't even imagine. Like I said before the love I feel for Campbell trumps all of the above. And there are moments that just leave me with chills. For instance, last night at a Superbowl party, she started crying. I was found quickly. The moment she was placed in my arms, she quit crying.

This single moment, this "first" made all 41 sleepless nights of her life worth it. She knows I am her momma. She knows I am the one to help/protect/soothe her. And that is a role I am honored to have.